Recently I've realized that I need to explain clearly why I am doing this. Why am I sharing this struggle with the world? Why am I being open? Why have I splattered bulimia all over social media?
Why?
Because the can of worms needed to be opened. The real truth is that so many eating disorders are not just pasted on the front of magazines, but are found in the lives of men and women, boys and girls, of all sizes, shapes, ethnicities, and backgrounds. The taboo needs to be broken, the open discussion must begin. The world needs to understand this struggle so that we cease being the brunt of jokes and so that more of those with this struggle can find the strength to be helped sooner.
How terrifying it is to realize your struggle and yet know that the world won't take you seriously until you look sick. To feel like you have to go on being sick and getting sicker, because no one will believe you are struggling, that you can't fight anymore.
I started the blog not to get some strange form of attention, to gain pity, or to look braver than everyone else. Quite honestly, walking around knowing that any of my facebook friends could know my story at all is hard. That it's known that I still struggle with throwing up partially digested food into a bag because I have inner struggles that manifest in this weird way... What even is that? Why is that a struggle?
Isn't that GROSS?
How many do you know, and you'd never even guess? What is happening beneath the plastered smile and the pretty dress? Perhaps she doesn't even know. And how can we help?
These are the questions that must be answered, and this is the why of this blog. This is why the journey. The recovery is hard, and I'm making (slow) progress, but one day at a time, with God's help, we can, whatever our struggles, rise up.
And maybe, maybe I'm doing it for all the little girls that this picture of me 4 years ago represents. Because I want them to love who God created them to be (inside and out) before they even hit adolescence, and I pray that it will continue their whole life long, every day of it.
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| At my (almost) smallest |
We all hide sin that is gross - and some don't even realize they are doing it; most of us run around with a smiling face, and 'together' life, and everyone else believes what we are portraying - but we know the truth (as does God!). Lot's of people need to get honest with their struggles, and good for you for doing that - and for stepping up and speaking out so that others can be helped - and I'm sure they will be. Love you. Proud of you. God's got your back. Romans 8:28 was never so real.
ReplyDeleteI love that you're writing about this! You've always been a good writer and it's so cool to see you sharing this part of your life with us, in such a beautifully expressed way. Please don't stop. :)
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