I need to write so badly. I don't even know what will come out from my fingers, but the world around me spins ever faster, and sometimes I feel like I'm caught in the eye of the storm, watching but not feeling, and then all at once, all the joy and the pain descends like a great cloud. I would be lying, however, if I did not say that it was an immensely beautiful cloud, multifaceted, with many colours.
Recently I got the chance to dance. And if I'm not mistaken, I'll be dancing again very soon. I've been a musician pretty much all my life, even if I haven't been quite as active in the music world the past few years. Music still runs in my blood. Rhythm. Movement. Creation. Newness made from antiquity.
So I danced - at least, I moved. And then I was moving with another human I had never met. And we were creating beauty, and I felt, of a sudden, a depth and strength I hadn't felt since the height of my musical 'career.' I felt a oneness with all of the world around me.
That was when the cloud hit me. The emotion of the year, the chaos and beauty, the feelings pent up in the souls of those in the room around me, the campus, the nation, the world, all one great painting of soul and colour - all of it was wrapped up in a moment of movement outside of time.
And as find myself slipping in and out of time, giving in to the stresses of the lines and borders of this physical reality, I also see, through a misty blanket, that world of inner movement, the rainbow of the soul, and I realise that my problems pale in comparison to the Life I'm given and the Love that exists.
I can't figure everything out, and I can't solve all the problems. But I can find the worth in what has meaning and what doesn't.
<3 Love to all.
Sheila
Monday, September 5, 2016
Thursday, September 1, 2016
Mental Health and our Spiritual Selves
I am not less spiritual because my mind is broken. I'm not sure where to begin with this, but it's an observation I've seen over and over, particularly within the Christian community. As a Christian, it has never crossed my mind that my mental struggles, no matter how they have played out physically, would affect thatat all. Honestly, my struggles with EDs and depression have caused me to run back to the Lord more than I ever would have, had my life been closer to perfect.
Perhaps the misconception comes from the idea that a mental health disorder has a spiritual root. This is the concept that a person's lack of spiritual health has lead to their mental demise. Although prevalent in many circles, this idea has several flaws.
Firstly, what does cause mental health disorders? What causes eating disorders? What causes depression? No two people are the same (hence the term 'individual'); we are all snowflakes. Yet there are some common threads that run through this huge family of individuals with mental health disorders. Genetics (yes!) and abuse (of any kind) are two of the most common culprits as roots for these kinds of struggles. Spiritual deficit is never the root.
Does our spirituality affect our mental health? Absolutely! Should we be praying for those who struggle with mental health issues? Without a doubt. Yet is the connection causative in nature? No. There is no more correlation between an eating disorder and our spiritual nature than there is between that nature and cancer. How the cancer is dealt with from within and in the community surrounding it changes greatly depending on how we cope spiritually.
As I struggle with this disorder, as it sometimes eats me up from the inside (both literally and figuratively), I have no choice but to bring the fight before God on a daily basis. Sometimes it means bringing Him with me into the dark places. Sometimes it means curling up in the palm of His hand afterward. Sometimes it means leaning on Him as I struggle to push off the desperate urges within me, begging for mercy this time.
Yet my seeking God for help cannot be done in isolation. Disorders of this kind, just like cancer or any other ailment, require treatment. For cancer, we immediately think chemo and radiation. For an infection, antibiotics. For a tumor, surgery. Mental health is no different than the health of the rest of the body. The mind needs medicine and therapy just like the arms and legs when they are injured. So I pray and I am prayed for, I lay my weary head in Christ's lap, and I take the steps in the physical world to do my best fighting with God's help.
But I do not have bulimia because I didn't seek God enough. I am not depressive because of some great sin. We fight diseases and disorders because something caused it - an event, a genetic influence, a microscopic organism or a traumatic event. Not because of the absence of spiritual commitment.
Perhaps the misconception comes from the idea that a mental health disorder has a spiritual root. This is the concept that a person's lack of spiritual health has lead to their mental demise. Although prevalent in many circles, this idea has several flaws.
Firstly, what does cause mental health disorders? What causes eating disorders? What causes depression? No two people are the same (hence the term 'individual'); we are all snowflakes. Yet there are some common threads that run through this huge family of individuals with mental health disorders. Genetics (yes!) and abuse (of any kind) are two of the most common culprits as roots for these kinds of struggles. Spiritual deficit is never the root.
Does our spirituality affect our mental health? Absolutely! Should we be praying for those who struggle with mental health issues? Without a doubt. Yet is the connection causative in nature? No. There is no more correlation between an eating disorder and our spiritual nature than there is between that nature and cancer. How the cancer is dealt with from within and in the community surrounding it changes greatly depending on how we cope spiritually.
As I struggle with this disorder, as it sometimes eats me up from the inside (both literally and figuratively), I have no choice but to bring the fight before God on a daily basis. Sometimes it means bringing Him with me into the dark places. Sometimes it means curling up in the palm of His hand afterward. Sometimes it means leaning on Him as I struggle to push off the desperate urges within me, begging for mercy this time.
Yet my seeking God for help cannot be done in isolation. Disorders of this kind, just like cancer or any other ailment, require treatment. For cancer, we immediately think chemo and radiation. For an infection, antibiotics. For a tumor, surgery. Mental health is no different than the health of the rest of the body. The mind needs medicine and therapy just like the arms and legs when they are injured. So I pray and I am prayed for, I lay my weary head in Christ's lap, and I take the steps in the physical world to do my best fighting with God's help.
But I do not have bulimia because I didn't seek God enough. I am not depressive because of some great sin. We fight diseases and disorders because something caused it - an event, a genetic influence, a microscopic organism or a traumatic event. Not because of the absence of spiritual commitment.
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)