From the Island of Misfits

Hey world,

So I'm queer and I'm a Christian.  For a lot of Christians I know, this seems an oxymoron, and I get questions about it frequently.  Honestly, this post isn't about why I believe that the Bible isn't condemning committed homosexual relationships (Others have already done that, for example, HERE or THIS).  What I'm here to talk about is this:  I know a lot of well-meaning Christians, both gay and straight, who have attempted to include members of the LGBT community in the body of Christ simply by erasing parts of Scripture, choosing to believe that the Bible is flawed, or that maybe some of the writers weren't inspired.  I respect these people and love many of them dearly, but I cannot for one moment agree with that stance.

In the near future, I plan to marry my fiancée, and she will become my wife.  But what will our marriage mean in light of my just-proclaimed belief in the sanctity and innerancy of Scripture?  Not to mention the fact that this is a strongly-held belief my my future wife as well!  Will our marriage be a disgrace to the concept of Christ and the church?  No!  Our marriage still represents the incredible union that is to take place when the Church is wed to Christ, the long-expected fiancé returning from a journey, so-to-speak.  Should we let our oil lamps run out as we run around trying to convince the next lesbian or gay couple, dedicated fully to the Lord, not to serve Christ together?  Should we not instead be putting our energy into filling our lamps and being prepared for the return of Christ when He chooses to come?  Where are our priorities?

I'll switch gears.  This issue has been swirling around my heart and mind a lot these days and I need to address it from several angles.  Throughout my childhood and teenage years, my personal social, political, and spiritual views shifted drastically every year or two, from far left, to far right.  I'd become more open with myself and who I was, finding joy in pursuing life abundant, and then find myself afraid of the open-mindedness I'd discovered.  I'd quickly switch out my shorts for long skirts, my scoop necks for crews, and my crazy hair for braids.  I'd try to exemplify discipline, early morning walks, and spiritual rigour.  I had to look every bit the part of the Conservative, Homeschooled, 'Good Christian' (all capitalized because they did indeed feel like titles).  I joined causes and read theology books, I witnessed every chance I had, to the shame of Christ's Name in some cases.  At which point I'd often realize that I wasn't honouring God simply by acting the part of something I wasn't.  I was simply trying to fit a mold created my humans in an attempt to sidestep any possibility of sin. Funny, I was still impatient sometimes, and I still disobeyed my parents when I felt like it.  Sin didn't go away because I dressed differently or carried tracts.

So I'd slowly swing left, tanktops and shorts, a different approach to my daily Scripture reading, a more open look at life.  I still sinned.  And that scared me.  So before I knew it, I was trying a different conservative box, maybe wearing a head covering or going to the evening service on Sunday.  So I'd swing left.  A little harder each time, to the point where I actually turned my back on God at one point.  When I arrived at rock bottom and the Lord spun me in a 180 toward Him again, I went from the liberal, Wiccan hippie to a Bob Jones University Boje (read: avid rule-follower and generally annoying person).

- Skirt below the knees.
- Neckline no more than 4 fingers below the collarbone.
- Lights out at 12.
- No headphones.
- No Skype.
- "Hey 'friend'?  They said no headphones."
- No demerits.
- 4.0 GPA
- I'm a good person.
- I must really be honouring God.

But was I?  Or had I simply turned to another form of idolatry, yet again?  Whether it was being determined to follow all the rules (written or unwritten), or freeing my mind to believe whatever felt 'right,' I had a mind that wavered.  It was tossed by the wind (Eph. 4:14).

So here I am, defying unspoken rules, so to speak.  Is this just another leftist shift?  Or, in reality, is this a choice to stand firm, to choose the uncomfortable part, perhaps the better part?  I'm at a place where I'm not taking a popular route.  I'm not the lesbian with a mission to prove that all religions are the same.  They're not.

"I am the way, the truth, and the life.  No one comes to the Father but through Me" - Jesus, John 14:6

But I'm also not heterosexual.  Nor, in many arenas, conservative - Jesus wasn't.

So where does that leave me?  Where does that leave my future marriage?  It leaves me in that painful place where I can't just believe something or act a certain way because it is prescribed or because that's how someone I respect believes or acts.  It leaves us choosing to painstakingly study the Word of God, to seek Him daily (and nightly!) for wisdom and strength through the pain and heartbreak of others not understanding, and remembering that our Lord, too, was misunderstood so often.

So I'm a misfit.  It's nothing new.  But I'm a misfit who loves Jesus, believes unwaveringly in the innerancy of His Word and the importance of spreading it to all who will hear.  I'm a queer, misfit, follower of Christ.

What can I say?  I've got great company.