Light

I long to be a joy, to be that one who not only brings pride to her family but also brings light to the lives of those with whom I spend time.  I want to live in a way that is lightness and passion and excitement all at the same time.  It is my anxious nature that sometimes keeps me from this.

But who am I writing to?  Am I writing in the Christianese jargon of so many?  "Shining Christ's light into all the world?"  Or am I speaking in terms of freedom and nonjudgment and light?  I used to know what to write in order to please the audience.  I knew how to say the right things and quote the right verses in order to get a pat on the back and a smile for my faith.

I even know how to fake it so it looked like that but held all the hidden meaning of my soul.

But now?  Now that I am a faith-filled, free spirit without a boundary of what is the 'right' way to say something?  Now that I still call myself 'Christian' in so many ways, desire to follow the example of Christ and be filled with the Divine Spirit but can't possibly adhere to judgment and shame and assumptions of rightness.... now what do I say?

Do I say the things that are expected by those who think all of religion is a crock?  I mean, I don't.  So I can't say those things.

Do I speak the language I understand best and risk being misunderstood as a judgmental, self-righteous proselytizer?  Never.

So how do I talk about the spirituality that I hold in a way that brings joy?  That brings light?  That doesn't keep half the world out?


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Time isn't linear.  It's freaking horizontal.  Or whatever the sideways is of the way we normally think of it.  The reason the idea of dimensions and alternate realities excites us so much is because we pass through them everyday by passing through time.

They are always existing slices of existence.  We pass through hundreds of them as we pass each moment.  A forever and a once-upon-a-time within every existence.  Holy freaking crap.  It's all going to happen the way it's going to happen because it was designed to.  Looking through maps, maps of 2 dimensions many many times ago, many dimensions ago, searching for the point where we met before.  Where all the generations ago of us knew us before time.

What even is that?