Beginning the Story

Today I am here with a topic full of mystery for many, and a topic full of shame for others.  But I am not here to add to shame or to solve the mystery; I am not here with all the answers or even a perfect story to tell.  I’m simply here to bring this struggle, openly, to the world, so that perhaps, a few might understand a little better, and some might not feel so alone.

Shall I begin to explain the journey? 

My name is Sheila, and I am bulimic.  It’s not a description I often truly own, even to myself, but I need to embrace the fact if I am truly to recover.  I’d like to say I’ve conquered my eating disorder (ED) and I am here to help others do the same, but I’ve not.  Beginning with anorexia, leading to an EDNOS (Eating Disorder Not Otherwise Specified) type of disorder which ultimately lead to bulimia, I feel like a walking ED sometimes, yet when out living daily life, I hardly label myself as such.  It’s just how I’ve lived the past 5 years.

I’ll be honest:  I’ve never been hospitalized.  I’ve never been under 100 lbs.  I’ve never passed out from lack of food.  I wasn’t a dancer or a gymnast or a model.  I’m not going to pretend I was any of those things – my ED journey has been far from stereotypical.   But really, how many people actually fit any stereotype?  Very few.

So this blog is about the un-stereotypical ED journey.  The ED journey of a young woman who loves Christ and family and travel, who revels in sunsets and works hard at university, who climbs trees whenever the opportunity arises, who has her heart set on being a baby-catcher and passionate advocate of mothers (a midwife).

I’m just Sheila.  A bulimic.  Determined to recover.  One step, one day, one minute at a time.

And when we don’t take steps today we can pick ourselves back up and smile, knowing we are not alone.  And tomorrow has no mistakes in it yet.